She will be loved...

There she was with a pen in her hand writing words on that paper, while I admire the completeness on her of all the incomplete small things.. The beauty is never in the perfectly polished nails or that brilliantly applied kajal, but it is the spark in her eye or the small giggle while she flips the small flick of hair on her face and casually puts it behind her ear. She admires the candle among the thousands of bulbs. How cutely the innocent love filled girl waiting for her dream soul mate to drag her out of the shell and make her giggly ... She waits for those arms which maybe be weak in strength but strong to support her in every extreme mood.. She waits for it being tough for everyone and also herself.. But it is not long before the man of her dreams asks for her hand and pulls her.. The arms where she would want to surrender to the true love she feels.. Closing the eyes to feel that kiss of trust and love.. She waits.. Not endless but in hope... That, she will be loved.. Yes, she will be loved...

Opening her eyes on the early winter morning when the sky is dark and the trees are moving, she glances out of her window with a smile on her face for she knows for sure this will be a pleasant day. The quilt which usually sticks to her and makes her lazy to come out is not able to restrict her today to get her mug of coffee and sit on the chilly floor of the balcony. Her hair is open and the certainly the wind becomes mischievous flirting with her hair throwing it on her face. I wait and wonder what she thinks, maybe nothing in this emotional bliss... There is no noise from the outside world as the peaceful calm inside is relaxed breathing the fresh air and hearing the birds play. There comes the little dog looking for his share of love, rubbing its body to her socks which are still warm as if she has always been so warm and full of love. I sometimes believe these creatures understand love much better than I could ever understand. Or maybe they just don not understand but feel it. The first glaze of sunlight was as if waiting for her to come outside so it would be the first one to wish her good morning. The colour of the skies goes from dark to happy orange as if it is the nature flirting with her, trying to get as much as look of her. The Gods are not letting her go inside by the splendid view they offer her to just sit, admire and smile. Maybe the nature is also in love with her smile.

She dances back inside only to decline to breakfast. Maybe the song in her head is her perfect breakfast to make her so energetic and lively throughout the day. Hugging her mom is her best alibi to skip the scolding her mom had planned. Just like anyone else, her mom couldn’t say a word after the hug. She has super powers but she doesn't believe me. Maybe not! Modest! :P Stay blessed is all I wish ! For she will always be loved...

You have Peace, When you make it with yourself…..

Sitting with a laptop, playing a random playlist, a high B.P. and a flood of thoughts eroding in my mind the benchmark conceptions of what is right and what is wrong. For all I realized, its all relative, The trippy state when Eddie Vedder sings BLACK with all that feeling in his voice, its like a dam holding thoughts. On one side is the fury of restless inquisitive thoughts and on another a calm state of thoughtless peaceful mind. Soon, the song would be over and so would be the trippy state for I don’t know what plays next in that shuffled playlist. Meanwhile I keep humming..

“…And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds, of what was everything….”

Almost unaware of how many songs have been played which I missed in my lost state, I try to seek Peace of mind. Peace!!! The peace I seek is a state of no constant war with myself. Just like, a healthy body is a state which is not affected by any disease. There are various types of disease which you can describe but not healthy. There are no parameters which quantify or classify this stage. Healthy is just the absence of disease. Analogy is quite simple : Healthy state is PEACE, Disease is War and the battle ground is the mind. But can’t we say the same thing about Paap and puneya. Before I could think, the Rajesh Khanna starrer song from the movie Anand entraps me with its melody and mysticism and the song goes…

“Zindagi….. Kaisi hai paheli haaye…. Kabhi yeh hassaye… Kabhi yeh rulaye….”

With constant randomness in thoughts, checking out pictures of the recent trip my friend made to Rishikesh, I stopped at a picture, where he sits quiet at the river banks in the night looking at the reflection of moon in water. Although, the song in background is Numb but I just feel like singing… “Yeh raatein… yeh mausam… nadi ka kinaara… yeh chanchal hawaa….” Snap!!! A question in mind for my own. Ever seen the reflection of moon in the flowing river?? It seems to be united with a continuous reflection visible in the water. Looks permanent, the unison. But look carefully, every drop of water is constantly moving randomly in different directions at different instants. For where you want to see them unite, its an Illusion. We try and seek permanent reflection but its not as the water is continuously moving. Shantanu pens it down as:

“ Nadi ka paani, har boond har waqt har pal ko peeche chhor jaati hai,

                        Fir bhi rehta hai wahi chehra us sheeshe mein jhaankta

kuch guzre huye waqt ko dekhne ki chah mein”

For all our relations, positions in life, career, friendship, love are never permanent because every moment we change, we grow, we adapt. We are like that water stream which seems to be stationary to be that perfect screen for projection but that’s not true. We still expect things to be permanent while we can’t even insure our own permanence. For all we know we are ignorant. Shatanu’s brilliance follows as:

“ Yeh waqt kar safar hai, ya waqt ki guzar hai,

                                                Kya hai who nadi jo sirf seenchti mera ghar hai”

And suddenly the Godly play lists which seems to be playing just in the sequence of my thoughts, perfectly gauges my mood and I notice myself singing in chorus with the background song by Kishore da , Music R. D. Burman in complete sync with my thoughts and mood,

“ Oh Maajhi re!!! Apna kinaara, nadiya ki dhaara hai…….. Oh Maajhi re………”

Shifting rooms, shifting chairs, my dog keeps following as he also feels the heat in the rising temperatures of Delhi. As I give him water in his bowl humming the old Kamal Hasan featured an all time hit, “ Aye Zindagi.. galle lga le…” realizing life is all around me. Be it brushing skippers coat and watch him rub his body in happiness on my shins, or tapping foot on random music while shopping in a mall, or eating those mid-night munchies or a long late night conversation with your best friends. For all the randomness in thoughts is a state of anxiety because I let the situation take control of me rather than me taking charge over the situation. All the mood swings are just like paper-cuts, very painful that instant but soon healed. Give me time to improve and I’ll be the best, give me your patience as this cranky state in shortlived. For I believe, every night is soon followed by the day: Bright and Beautiful. If this was taught, I may have overlooked it in an instant but realization brought me peace. For it was rightly suggested by my dear friend: “You have Peace, When you make it with yourself”. And I play the last track of my own choice to call it the day…

“ Aane wala pal, jaane wala hai….. ho sake to isme, zidagi bitado pal joy eh jaane wala hai……..”

Jab paida hi hua main FUDDU, To Kya kar lega Bournvita waala DUDU

The plight of a 24 year old fake engineer whose entire life seems to be a classic case of trivial comedies is what the idea which keeps running in my mind. A guy who always chooses the path of better public conduct if the other option is to RIP off that person with physical and verbal abuses. Now that I feel that I have vented I can behave sane.

At 23, I realized the meaning to INSANITY. I learnt that, insane means to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results out of it. Now this was told in a seminar of 300 people and it just left me all cracked up, laughing loudly in front of them. Wondering how much embarrassed I was, A LOT but only for a short stint of time. The Forum leader just asked me, “So, you could relate? I like the honesty and my purpose is solved.” I thought of being ashamed at myself but on the contrary I was proud that I could figure out some insane behaviors. I so know the word coming to you mind. “WEIRDO!!!”

Today, at the age of 24 with almost 2 years into a job I totally don’t relate to and still unanswered in my mind the biggest question, “What is the purpose of my life??” I decide to start a blog. This is no means to vent out my anger or show how frustrated I am but just a reflection of my apathies (as described by others) are a source of constant humor for me and now they just leave me inspired to do things to which I was always shunning away from. The inspiration came from a demented (I can call her that , dare you call her) Mallu friend of mine whose words of wisdom are hidden in her gestures or the nuances of her life and she conveys them without even knowing.

“Jab paida hi hua main FUDDU, To Kya kar lega Bournvita wala DUDU”. Among the status messages I kept on Facebook, this seems to have gathered the maximum likes and attention. Leaves me wondering, if this was the subtle taste of sarcasm everyone wants to enjoy or they actually consider me a FUDDU. Fuddu actually means someone DUMB and if you have ever seen a kid, you would know that DUDU refers to the MILK (and of course it makes my favorite drink). Fuddu or not, I choose not think over it as it not an examination where I have to answer questions correctly. I can make mistakes at my own free fill. I can do anything which gives me a sense of being original and honest. With endless examples of choosing the wrong path, meeting and liking the wrong people, disaster career decisions, being a cribber, not giving any full effort to any idea, I think my biggest asset and my biggest reason for failure is the same reason that I am a SHAREEF AADMI. But I am proud of the fact I am one. At least I live my life as I choose and trust me that is more than a reason to stay happy.

For I always say: STAY HAPPY! STAY BLESSED!!