You have Peace, When you make it with yourself…..

Sitting with a laptop, playing a random playlist, a high B.P. and a flood of thoughts eroding in my mind the benchmark conceptions of what is right and what is wrong. For all I realized, its all relative, The trippy state when Eddie Vedder sings BLACK with all that feeling in his voice, its like a dam holding thoughts. On one side is the fury of restless inquisitive thoughts and on another a calm state of thoughtless peaceful mind. Soon, the song would be over and so would be the trippy state for I don’t know what plays next in that shuffled playlist. Meanwhile I keep humming..

“…And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds, of what was everything….”

Almost unaware of how many songs have been played which I missed in my lost state, I try to seek Peace of mind. Peace!!! The peace I seek is a state of no constant war with myself. Just like, a healthy body is a state which is not affected by any disease. There are various types of disease which you can describe but not healthy. There are no parameters which quantify or classify this stage. Healthy is just the absence of disease. Analogy is quite simple : Healthy state is PEACE, Disease is War and the battle ground is the mind. But can’t we say the same thing about Paap and puneya. Before I could think, the Rajesh Khanna starrer song from the movie Anand entraps me with its melody and mysticism and the song goes…

“Zindagi….. Kaisi hai paheli haaye…. Kabhi yeh hassaye… Kabhi yeh rulaye….”

With constant randomness in thoughts, checking out pictures of the recent trip my friend made to Rishikesh, I stopped at a picture, where he sits quiet at the river banks in the night looking at the reflection of moon in water. Although, the song in background is Numb but I just feel like singing… “Yeh raatein… yeh mausam… nadi ka kinaara… yeh chanchal hawaa….” Snap!!! A question in mind for my own. Ever seen the reflection of moon in the flowing river?? It seems to be united with a continuous reflection visible in the water. Looks permanent, the unison. But look carefully, every drop of water is constantly moving randomly in different directions at different instants. For where you want to see them unite, its an Illusion. We try and seek permanent reflection but its not as the water is continuously moving. Shantanu pens it down as:

“ Nadi ka paani, har boond har waqt har pal ko peeche chhor jaati hai,

                        Fir bhi rehta hai wahi chehra us sheeshe mein jhaankta

kuch guzre huye waqt ko dekhne ki chah mein”

For all our relations, positions in life, career, friendship, love are never permanent because every moment we change, we grow, we adapt. We are like that water stream which seems to be stationary to be that perfect screen for projection but that’s not true. We still expect things to be permanent while we can’t even insure our own permanence. For all we know we are ignorant. Shatanu’s brilliance follows as:

“ Yeh waqt kar safar hai, ya waqt ki guzar hai,

                                                Kya hai who nadi jo sirf seenchti mera ghar hai”

And suddenly the Godly play lists which seems to be playing just in the sequence of my thoughts, perfectly gauges my mood and I notice myself singing in chorus with the background song by Kishore da , Music R. D. Burman in complete sync with my thoughts and mood,

“ Oh Maajhi re!!! Apna kinaara, nadiya ki dhaara hai…….. Oh Maajhi re………”

Shifting rooms, shifting chairs, my dog keeps following as he also feels the heat in the rising temperatures of Delhi. As I give him water in his bowl humming the old Kamal Hasan featured an all time hit, “ Aye Zindagi.. galle lga le…” realizing life is all around me. Be it brushing skippers coat and watch him rub his body in happiness on my shins, or tapping foot on random music while shopping in a mall, or eating those mid-night munchies or a long late night conversation with your best friends. For all the randomness in thoughts is a state of anxiety because I let the situation take control of me rather than me taking charge over the situation. All the mood swings are just like paper-cuts, very painful that instant but soon healed. Give me time to improve and I’ll be the best, give me your patience as this cranky state in shortlived. For I believe, every night is soon followed by the day: Bright and Beautiful. If this was taught, I may have overlooked it in an instant but realization brought me peace. For it was rightly suggested by my dear friend: “You have Peace, When you make it with yourself”. And I play the last track of my own choice to call it the day…

“ Aane wala pal, jaane wala hai….. ho sake to isme, zidagi bitado pal joy eh jaane wala hai……..”